Flaws & Other Inadequacies
It’s been a while. I’ll open like that every time, I think.
Goodness, how things change in a mere two weeks. I’ve gone through love and heartbreak in a 9 day period. I’m on a break with prom guy but I should be meeting his family on Saturday. He says it’s not my fault, I’ve done nothing wrong, it’s him and only him, that he doesn’t know if he’s tricking himself into getting into this relationship… How am I supposed to take that? I had to take deep, deep breaths to avoid telling him to go to hell and that he deserves death and that I never wanted him around me again. I didn’t say any of that.
“That’s okay, let’s restart. I’m fine as long as we can hang out.”
I regret it, maybe, being passive. Yet I’m not necessarily so. I make him feel bad and off by becoming quiet now. It’s somewhat on purpose — “Feel half the pain I feel,” that’s the thought. It’s not his fault. He’s so normal and this mind is so corrupt.
That’s not necessarily the point of this post. I’m a bad person, no way to beat around the bush. I don’t want to. I know I’m terrible. I just can’t put into words how.